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Jul. 31st, 2007 @ 02:00 pm (no subject)
Hey all, just wanted to say I'm doing ok. ED is the only things that keeps me inline. Like I felt all messed up for a while, wasn't even countin cal. or anything. But now I have a scale and all my diet shit together and I honestly feel better. It gives me such direction and focus so that I actually feel good about myself. There is nothing better than feeling thin. I know I still have a long way to go but not eating for days seems easier now that before. I'm taking hydroxycut again, because It costs extra money and helps me focus, like If is spent all this money on pills and stuff why would I waste it on eating?? So that does help.

AND i just bought a memebership for yoga and it gives you the sexiets bod ever. Its hard work cause you sweat out tons of cal. and target core muscle groups for tiny little supporting muscles. So I like that. and it sure beats running 5k . . . which is not cool. I hate running now, its sad but true.

BOYS suck, and I'm not even gonna go there. Just rememerb all you have to count on is you, and you can decide what's important in you life. ED, is the only thing that gets me thru each week so I feel like I'm accomplishing something.

I'm fatter than ever, but lost 7 pounds last week, so I'm crossing my fingers and actually having fun!! xoxoxox think thin~
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Jul. 7th, 2007 @ 06:01 am (no subject)
hey life sux. I just really wanna do coke and get wasted tonight but its already 5:30 am, so there's not much point. I am fat and hideous and just wanna get laid, suck some cock. I just made a booty call to a friends house down the street. Walked all the way there in freakin lingerie and drank a cooler on the way. I got there and he was " too tired" to do anything. I'm like even for a blow job??? which pissed me off, cause I don't have a b/f and I just wanna get fucked up and fuck. This is why ana is the only thing that is constant. it is the only relationship i need. I need to take care of myself and screw getting laid, being thin is better than any orgasm or hot guy. It;s the only thing really and if you have that you really don't need anything else in the world.


I am sorry, I am such a failure, I am doing a two day fast but usually when I start that I DON'T eat for like a week. So hopefullu all goes well. Altleast now with my hooker job, i have enough money to pick up esentials. Tomorrow I am working out at 8 am, (in 3 hours) getting rockstar, more hydroxycut, coke, zenadrine, and whatever else I can find. I'm also getting a freakin scale, so I can keep better track, when I'm good I loose atleast 5 pouns every two weeks, which is 20 lns in 2 months, without hardly even trying. oR i can just get fucked and do 10 lbs. in a week.

Thats about it, love tones. keep it up everyone, i send my love, may we all get sick and die. xxx ( joking, . . . kinda) !!!!!
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Jun. 23rd, 2007 @ 04:52 am (no subject)
Ok so I've been gone for a while. It's nice to think that by not obsessing somehow I will magically loose weight, but in thinking this . . . I AM RETARDED. So updates are . . fatter than hell.

I am working at a massage parlour now . . . very sketchy work but good money. Its the exact thing I had in mind, now that I finished my degree. Stay in school kids cause after the whole shebang, you can go out and finally make some money being a hooker.

The plus side is, there are alot of places I know now that are filled with coke and I could get sickly skinny really fast. The ad side is, that those places are really sketchy and I'd probably wind up in trouble and never leave the business until I am serisoulsy a crack hooker???

What to do. I will update soon. and HOPEFULLY be a f'n skinny bitch by then. grrrrr.
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Apr. 30th, 2007 @ 07:59 pm ugh
Ugh I got weighed today, and let's just say I felt like I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. I've been feeling better lately, like I knew I gained thru exams and I've been eating out with people which sux. My friends are always trying to get me to eat. But I've been mostly just having tea and coffee. But the scale today was like, just such a hard hit of reality, I can't beleive I gained THAT much, So i am really not eating anymore with anyone, I need to stick to my coffee and 0 cal junk.

Oh well Atleast it was a good wake up call, and now I know what I need to do. HOPE you all are doin better! I am such a COW right now, Lik seriously. "MOO"

haha, luv lots, think thin! xoxoxo
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Apr. 27th, 2007 @ 01:40 am soooo
So i have been pathetic lately, Broke up with CRAZY ex. . . and actually just GRADUATED FORM UNIVERSITY!!! Yay I am officially done school forever!! BUT with all the stress this last month I ate wayyy more than I should've and I've been going out to eat with friends even when I am not hungry just cause its some of my last times out with some of them.

BUT i've just recently got really into SMOKING! and as much as i have hated it for most of my life I am actually really loving it latey. It kills my appetite and helps me get energized, stay awak and burn extra cal. Like all I wanna do lately is smoke and drink coffee. I am only having like one a day tho so I don't get too hooked, atleats for now!? Who knew that smoking could be so beneficial, wow this sounds crazy.

Anyway just wanted to keep in touch. I have been eating a bit with friends, but since I have no apetite I have thrown up everything since sunday, so I actually havn't had anything besides some liquids! NO FOOD, i feel better already, I can't beleive I let myslef become such a cow this last month! But i am back on track and soo happy I found more things to keep me occupied! Thank god for coffee, cigarettes and diet coke!!

love all, g'night lovelies!
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Apr. 3rd, 2007 @ 09:18 pm hey
Hey guys, life sux and noone understands. I know it may sound dumb but we had to put my pony to sleep today. I was such a mess all thru school. I barely even filled out my midterm this morning. I really hate it. Like I ahve had her all my life and I can't get over her just vanishing like this. It makes me so sad, there's nothing i can do and it completely out of my control.

On the plus side, I am so sad I feel sick. I don't want to do anything, especially eat. I hate this.

Anyway, I do love you all. I know I will get thru this, It just really sux right now. I will try to have more control over everything and live the best life I can. Be the best me I can. love always, think thin.
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Mar. 28th, 2007 @ 05:10 pm ughh
I need to come here more often. Seriously I know what you mean about wanting to stay off until you truly get back to an "anorexic" weight. But latelt it seems like I go too long away from this community and I GET UNFOCUSED! All I can do at this point is fast until formal. I have a giant party tomorrow!!! POTLUCK!!! EWWWW! I'm making fruit salad so i guess I'll eat tiny bits of that. fuck

I know that after the fromal . . . it will be the last meal I eat until summer weight is ok. Do you guys do that. Like before going into a huge fast plan your last "meal".

haha, anyway we're all a little fucked up I guess. I just wish I was skinnier. this has been the longest my weight has been up ever. and NOW i really like this skinny boy at school, but I am way too fat for him. blah. MOTIVATION! I LOVE ANA.
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Mar. 24th, 2007 @ 02:15 pm delicate balance?
Hey all, I havn't been on in a while and just happened to notice that I seem to have created a group here?! This page is completely similar to my LJ, but now its definately a group - which is awesome.

Anyway, I mostly post in pro-ana, but I will def. post here too!

Things about myself: I am 21 and an acting student, I graduate from university in 4 weeks! I've only been really committed to ana/mia for a year or so now, though I've stuggled with for as long as I can remember. Oh ya, and my name is Jenn.

stats:
HT: 5'7
HW: 130
LW: 110

I plan on doing much better for summer, and my ideal weight would be . . . 105, although my ideal extreme ewight is 83.

I am just starting a crazy detox with ginger, lemon hot/cold water! I'm only eating raw fruits and veg. as well, I've done fasting like crazy but it never pays off in the long run. So I guess I'll see how being a raw foodist works.

Anyway I'm so glad we can all support eachother here, and get through this together. I hope this is a place where we can always be honest and truly ourselves! Think THIN!
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Mar. 10th, 2007 @ 06:43 pm DO THIS!!!
I would recommend this to anyone struggling or eating over . . . lets say 500c a day. If you like veg and neg. cal. try detoxing!!!!

The theory is xtra watse in your body = weight

You need to clease and not eat things that will make you full, like vegies.

I highly recommend this book "THE RAW FOODS DETOX DIET" by natalia rose, she is so young and smart and beautiful. Detox foods give you energy without feeling full and you onnly need a little a day, it will raise you metabolism . . . making you burn more. If you want to be truly ana and skin and bones then ana is for you. I've just always struggled and detox has been amazing.

I have more energy and am finally loosing after plateauing . . I sleep better and my skin even looks better. there's no need to cheat and I am tottally under 300c. a day!!! xoxox think thin chicas
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Mar. 10th, 2007 @ 04:16 pm crazyy?!
Ok so I found something that works!!! Its a detox diet that I am crazy for!! Its alot of blended juices and stuff, this recipe for "green lemonade" is to die for:

green lemonade:

6 leaves kale
1 head of romaine lettuce or celery
2 apples
2 lemons
2 inches ginger

Your supposed to juices it, its cleansing and raises metabolism. We blended it which was a little gross but still tasty. It keeps you energized for a whole day without feeling full. You can have like 6 ounces a few times a day . . it rox!

Anyway just wanted to let you guys know, I am really happy with this book i got on detoxing, it makes me feel so energized and not full and gross. It also makes me feel like I hate myself less and can look forward to welcoming more positive things in my life. Ana can hurt a lot and drive me into a deep depression and everytime i fall off i wanna die . . . This is ultra rewarding and something you can stick to for life . . .

Love tons, hope we can all find happines and peace of mind! xoxoxo thin
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Mar. 8th, 2007 @ 10:40 am (no subject)
ok so just a few things. . . First of all summer will be here soon and I am gonna wanna be wearing the least amount of clothing possible . . . but there's no way you can do that as a heifer . . . Ever notice how "slutty" clothes can look fine on someone rail thin and skanky on someone with clevage??

Anyway and wiht that said I have a formal coming up in which i do not want to feel like I am sucking in my tummy and thighs so it will be best to just loose and tone all that up ASAP.

AND, I made it through midterms so back to the gym for me . . .

AND I found a secret stash of hydroxycut that i hid on myself a while ago, yum caffeine!!!

Hope all of you are doing well, we can do this, cause it sux being fat . . . P.S I am eating like nothing on this detoc diet and it is soooo amazing. all I can say is giner lemon water my the gallon!!!
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Mar. 1st, 2007 @ 07:51 pm (no subject)
All I can say is FUCK!

Guys I got wayyyyyy out of control! I am sooo sad! I let go of all the panicky feelings when I ate and . . . just ate all the time!!! it was so gross and didn't feel good but i didn't care!!! The thing is i eat to "feel happy" and yet I hate food it is like a two second comfort and then it feels like the worst feeling in the world. The only thing that last and makes me truly happy is being thin. I am disapointed and disgusting.

I need to get back in control. I am happy in some ways right now, I just know that controling my body makes me happiest . . . and I've been seriously lacking. . . like fuck i gained 15 lbs!!! ahhh

anyway i wanted to ask about detox diets and just eating whole raw foods? I read a book on it and it looks rigourous and exciting. Maybe if i embrace the philosophy of just eating raw foods it will make me feel better and be a better way of controling things. I am gonna get back to running now too! love lots. When will this battle end? I guess its not really a battle . . . when I'm atleast fighting a good fight . . . oh to be faint and dizzy again. I'll fast for a week starting monday just to feel better then I'll try a detox . . .

All my love!
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Jan. 22nd, 2007 @ 02:04 am (no subject)
boys suck. I feel so guilty for my ex boyfriend. like I just saw him today and he seems sooo . . sad, like a shadow of who he used to be and I can't help thinking its my fault, like I abandoned him. Things were bad for a long time and he definately made himself worse, but it wasn't very special and it lasted way too long, and after giving all I had, I had to leave. But why do I feel so guilty. It hurts me to see him that way and i feel Like, If I had been the perfect girlfriend, things wouldn't be this bad for him . . .

It's all about perfection, and I know I am not . . It may be impossible but Until I am close to perfection I will continue to take on the sins of the world. I can't survive this guilt.
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Jan. 21st, 2007 @ 10:02 pm If you can't change the world, you can atleast change yourself . . .
I hate how nobody understands this and I am so sick and tired of trying to explain. Everyone just makes me soooo mad, and I want them all to go away! I hate getting grief for how I look or when I don't eat! So what! And my parents keep trying to shove food at me . . I'm like, "I WON'T EAT THAT EVER! i DON'T EAT THAT!!!!" I wish it would stop. But if you can't change the world you can atleast chaneg yourself. . .

And that is the only thing that gives me peace of mind, knowing that I CAN AND WILL CHANGE myself. I love imagining skin and bones in a shimmery frock, or loose jeans, I love emaciated arms poking out of eyelet baby tee's. It is artificial I know, to focus on a 'look' but its not so much the look as the feeling. The feel of all that is worth the world to me and The closer I get to that the happier I am, to just survive in this disgusting world. beauty is withing and if I can be beautiful I'll never have to search for it out there.
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Jan. 21st, 2007 @ 01:01 am (no subject)
I am a big giant fat cow. I hate myself and the way I look and feel. I am a walking disease and I just wanna overdose on everything to make up for all my mistakes. Do you guys ever feel like going overboard if given the motivation and conveinienve? Like sometimes when I feel guilty I just shovel diet pills down my throat, or crazy laxatives. I know it can be bad for your heart and even cause death but sometimes I am just in such a rush to make up for something. I ate gross stuff today and watched a movie with my friend so after the movie I could't even puke it all up!? So i MESSED UP! AGAIN

I suck and am preeetty lonely. I lov my friends, but I just feel really un-sexy and so super starved for a nice guy. I am so tired of jerks. In a way tho I'd just rather not need anyone, and just have ana. Even if I do mess up a lot and fuck myself over for days by OD on diet shit.

Ok thats my rant. I am happier now. I feel nasueas and dizzy always. But atleast I know its working now. Ok no more of this. 83. Thats it. 83, its all my fault if i make it or not and I want this one thing for myself. 83. I will keep going. I am such a fat cow. 83.

No more cheating and fucking up with pills. I just need to take control and feel the power again. MMMM IT FEELS LIKE VACATION!! XOXOXO ANA.
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Jan. 18th, 2007 @ 11:04 pm I need another Flu!!
Ok so I lost like 6 lbs having a flu and IT WAS BEAUTIFUL!!! Now i'm eating like crazy!

I only feel alive when I am starving myself . . . I think It because being hungry makes every moment better, like you appreciate it . . . when being full is just lazy and boring?! I need that. So I am going big on goals now. I did want to be 105, but now I'm gonna go for 83 my ultra goal weight. I am tired of this and this way I'll know not to stop until I get there. THE ONLY THING KEEPING ME FROM 83 IS ME! I AM GONNA DO IT AND BE SO HAPPY, i love feeling ill and dizzy, I am most msyelf! I know you guys understand, and I love you!!!

PS!!!! Has anyone seen the binge-fest episode of smallville!!!??? Major THINSPO!!!! XOXOXOXO, THINK THIN!
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Jan. 3rd, 2007 @ 11:29 pm (no subject)
I am so tired of being sick. My show is so busy right now, I can't do anything for myself. All I want to do is crawl in a hole, sleep and starve, sleep and starve and be beautiful . . be myself. I need to be perfect and special. I am so lonely and I don't even want to meet anyone, cause they . . . don't understand and noone could fill this hole in me better than ana. It fills me body and soul, and I don't care if Its all I have, Its all I need, and All I WANT. friends are good, but ana is my secret . . . My oasis.

I need to do better, I will . . .
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Jan. 2nd, 2007 @ 12:38 pm (no subject)
Ok, so I am back into all this, and it feels good, I love the feeling of empty. I'm not even hungry ever, and I have so much work to do now that the play's started . . . I won't be bothered with food. diet coke and apple all the way.

I really want to reach my lowest weight by my ana aniversary which is february. So i have a month to lose over 10 pounds, I wish I had reached my goal earlier tihs year, I can't believe I didn't try so hard for so long. But its more of a lifestyle change than anything, working and being busy and avoiding food now really helps. I'll keep up with that, that and diet coke when I get freakin snack attacks. LOVE MY DCOKE!!! I love apspartame!

This time I'm doing it without hydroxycut too which is actually a bit harder, hydroxycut made it really easy if I messed up one day. and results were much faster cause you were burning c all the time! I don't know it does sound pretty good. I might invest in some more pills. LOVE PILLS! AND LAX.

k thats about it, I'm going to the gym now so I'll finally get to see what I weigh . . . what a cow!!! I bet I'm like 124 . . . blah. My lowest is only 112, but I want to be 108 by feb, I know its not much but it will feel better. I would love to platue at 105 for the summer, and my lowest ever would be . . well who knows right 82 would be DONE! thats so far away tho and as long as i don't have any fat on me, 105 will be good, cya girls

K love fiona apple, "never is a promise" xoxoxox think thin!
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Nov. 6th, 2006 @ 11:16 pm Today is november 6
Current Location: home, iiik
Current Mood: rejected
Tags: ,
I am sad and bored, and at home which means i ate and spit like 3 times already, only cause my moms not home. I am sad because, a) I have a ton of work that I'm avoiding b) I've been horrible with my goals again c) I don't feel love, at all. I guess its the lack of love that filling me up with so muhc sadness, atleast when I'm good with ana it makes me happy and i just focus on feeling so good, and looking good, not the lack of love. I don't even know if I believe in it anymore. Like, I am a hopeless romantic but, it just seems so hard, does it ever really work out for anyone? I don't know, breaking up is so hard, I hate hurting people but I know I need to move on and things were sooo bad at times, i know I could be happier even if I ma alone. I guess i just hate being alone. For the last 5 yrs I've always had someone to love and focus my energy on, But when . . it became clear he wasn't even worth loving . . like basically did I keep it going just so I'd have someone to love? It's not even the question of the mistakes I've made with that one person, it anyone. How can we ever truly know one another? There is no way to tell if the love i have is the same as the love he has. How do you even meet THAT someone. I feel like I'm stuck in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Moving on. I guess I must,some days feel easier. Mostly my ana days. I will be good again, so i can focus on that and nothing else,it will give me a sense of accomplishment, and confidence. I'd love to reach my goals, 110 is nice enough. 110 by nov 30. sigh. sure thing, just stop over eating, like 100c a day and workout more. I will, i will. So that's it Jenn. no one person has the answers but I can take this time to put energy into myself, meet my goals, and move on. Living life in reality is harder than living in the wasteland, but its worth every penny.
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Oct. 30th, 2006 @ 07:14 pm starting again
So I've been the laziest ana ever and been on haidis. . . ughhh. so i lost 10 pounds last month but i'm still above my lowest weight. I miss it!!!!!I miss being cold and shaky and in one way so out of control . . . but in another way so finally in total control, where everything made sense cause I only had one purpose, life's easier when your a counting machine.
I want to feel special again. I want to feel like its me and ana again, against the world. Lov you all. I'll be there soon.
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